Anxiety And You!

As I get older I find that I have to deal with anxiety more and more.  The "why" of it is a point of discussion.  ADHD may CAUSE anxiety due to repeated failure.  The anxiety is a result of ADHD.  Anxiety may also be a common co-morbid of ADHD- General Anxiety Disorder may also be an element of ADHD.  Which is correct?  Dunno.  Don't know that I care as long as we recognize the beast for what it is and figure out what the right way to deal with it is.

I personally am incredibly sensitive to anything that manages anxiety.  The common pharmaceuticals are benzodiazipenes like Valium and Atavan.  These interventions often increase my anxiety.  I don't use them.  Keep in mind that these are reasonable and viable interventions and every person is different.

What I am left with is trying desperately to manage my anxiety that can go out of control for what may seem like no reason.  Well, no reason if you don't live in my brain.

As a side note, let's look at what anxiety is.

Dictionary.com tells us that it is a feeling of unease.  In another tense, it may be a compulsion to do something in an effort to complete a job correctly.  While close, neither of these come close to the anxiety I'm thinking of.

When I am dealing with anxiety, it is soul-killing, destructive, and immobilizing.  Fighting it off and doing the thing that is the cause of the anxiety doesn't result in empowerment, it results in more anxiety.

An example...

I want to visit my husband's grave.  I know that this will require a two hour drive.  I know that, right now, this means that I will have to drive through some ugly road construction in order to get to the cemetery.  I know that I need to keep the things I can as familiar as possible.

So I've done everything I can to make the trip as functional as possible.  I've packed the truck, checked the weather reports, have a clear sense of what I am going to do and how.  I finally open the garage door, ready to back out and go- and stop.  The fears that keep me from getting into the truck are multitudinous.  It takes me an easy ten minutes to get into the truck.

I need to stop and get cash and top off the tank.  At any point, I will turn around and go home.  I get what I need and move on.

Within ten miles of home I wanted to turn around.  So I made a deal with myself- I would keep going if I could set my cruise control and not have to change it.

I made it to Duluth.  I was able to get to the cemetery.  I was able to spend as much time there as I wanted.

Coming home I had to fight off visions of dead cats and a burned out home.  That was fun.

So I'm obviously writing this post.  My cats are sleeping- Callie in her kitty bed, Minou on the sofa beside me.  Am I less anxious?

The sad answer is, "No".

ADHDers have to deal with anxiety every single day.  It can be a massive de-motivator and it can also keep us from doing any and every thing.

The only way I know of it to test the things that make us anxious.  AND to be aware of things that can't be tested.

When I couldn't manage to change my license plates- required by law every seven years in Minnesota- I was ready to sell the truck and hide in my house.  While this might look like an easy solve to most, I COULDN'T solve it without help.  Thankfully for me, my friends Sandy and Bob were willing to help.

I was given a ton of advice from friends.  Mostly, it consisted of drive illegally until you get to someone who can fix this.  What no one understood was that I could not do this.  The anxiety would not let me out of the driveway.  Truthfully, even letting the truck out of the garage was nearly impossible.

ADHD comes with anxiety.  Think of it as a package deal.  Managing it isn't easy.