What I Did For... What?

I've been told all my life to do things.  Sit up straight, mind your manners, write thank you notes to imaginary(?!) family who theoretically did something for you.  I was required to be perpetually thankful for things I didn't understand.

I clearly recall being at my Aunt Betty's farm and having been squashed for hours and days.  I finally found a swing in a branch and wanted to be in it.

At the same time as I finally found the swing, my Uncle Gil- a very talented photographer- wanted to take pictures of my sisters and I together.

At six or seven, I had no ability to manage how I felt or how it showed.

Uncle Gil snapped photos as if I was a willing participant- I wasn't.  I had to write letters of apology for about a month afterward.

From that point on, I "managed" anyone with a camera.  I provided the appropriate "smile and happy" and then ran like hell.  I recall having to pose for the church directory.  I was done in three shots.  My family?  Closer to forty- and there were only seven of us.  Look this way and smile?  Kay.  Look that way and smile?  Kay.  Look this other way and smile?  Kay.  Oh look, we're done.

Thank God.

To this day I despise pictures in any form or fashion.

If you have ADHD, you are bombarded with someone else's beliefs about who and what you are and should be.  If you have ADHD you probably don't have much self esteem to guide you.  This may suck.

My approach- pissing everyone off, regardless- was not functional.

What I did?  Try.  I gave my best.  I learned to ignore negative reviews.

If you live with ADHD you get told constantly that your neurobiological differentiation doesn't exist.  You're told that by people who have never looked at a swing like salvation, only to be told that it was a new prison.

I will never forget the hours I was required to write hundreds of letters of apology... for being me.