The Manipulations of Life

Every day in a myriad of ways we are manipulated- by advertisements, trusted others, the television and society among countless others.  What I'm thinking about is positive manipulation that hurts no one, supports potentially all involved, and leads to good things over all.

If you're an ADHDer like me, you aren't easily moved by most forms of manipulation.  In fact, you've probably become resistant to manipulation- you see it for what it is and reject it outright.

But...

If you live with an ADHDer, you can manipulate them without anyone ever knowing.  In return, you will get only good things.  Willing to give it a try?

This is the worst kept secret in the history of secrets.  I'm only going to tell you- and know that you will never tell another soul.

Are you ready?  Here goes.

Praise an ADHDer for what they do right.  Be lavish.  Go over the top, even.  Tell your ADHDer how wonderful they are.  Tell them at the moment and tell them the next day.  Then sit back and reap the rewards.

The personal history of many- even most ADHDers is that they hear a ton about what they get WRONG but less than little about what they do RIGHT.  Tell an ADHDer that they got something right and they will move heaven and earth to do it again.

So why is this such a secret?

We live in a shaming society.  I enjoy "My Cat From Hell" usually, but recently they started a Pinterest thing about shaming your bad cat.  Are you kidding me?  Not only do I have to live in shame but now there is an expectation that I will take it out on my cat?  My cat???

That said, we live in a society that thrives in shame.  As an ADHDer, the shame is soul-killing.  I can't stand it.  It just makes me want to hide in a corner and never come out.  Want to insure that I will either become very small and unwilling to engage or a fireball that no one wants to contend with?  Use shame.

My husband was a wonderful guy.  He also never completely grasped this.  And that was AFTER I told him the secret to my psyche.

My mother in law has been rehabbing from a hip replacement.  Her laundry is in the basement.  I don't want her in the basement- the stairs are steep and narrow.  Logical fix?   I do her laundry.

I told her the secret to getting an ADHDer to do what you want.  She uses that secret- to her benefit and mine.  She gets clean laundry and a fresh bed and I get to feel good about having done something RIGHT.  I get to be successful.

I'll take it.