Dirty Words.

"You have cancer."

Your heart stops for a moment and you wonder if it will ever beat again.  Your hands and feet go cold and you realize that in that moment you can't breathe.

In that moment, a monumental grief slammed down on me like a tsunami wave.  I went numb.  My husband was my life.  How could I live without him?


Earlier in the day I had seen his x-rays- and a doc too chicken-shit to speak the truth.  He left that to a REAL doc- the man who became my husband's Pulmonologist, and later, mine.  I had literally spent nine hours knowing the truth but waiting to hear a doc tell me what I already knew.

I've tried to figure out how to put that horror into words.  Three years later, I simply CAN'T.  What I knew was I would lose the only person who was important to me.  My life, my love, my husband.

The idiots- also known as doctors and stuff- provided vague generalities and superficial BS.  I tried explaining my limitations and was threatened with removal from my husband as a result.  I tried giving up and was told that this wasn't an option.  I tried being realistic about what we were facing and was told that I was killing my husband.  Really?  I thought the cancer- terminal on day one- was doing that.

Ever the ADHDer, I went home and did research.  THAT was depressing.  What I learned was that my husband would die and I could do nothing about it.

I tried desperately to find resources for caregiver ADHDers.  I found absolutely nothing.

I have never had illusions about what I am capable of.  I clearly recall telling my husband what I could do easily and well and what I struggled with at the beginning of our relationship.  I know my capacity and my limitations.  My husband's cancer tested everything I knew.


You're going to hear a lot more on this subject.  For now, I want to talk about some general realities.

If you live with ADHD and are a caregiver, job One is to figure out what your limits are.  As an ADHDer, you don't think you have limits and can do everything.  Realistically, you can't.  Figure out your limit lines and stay within those lines.  Period.

I didn't know this.  The result?  I shredded myself.  Not helpful.

Take a stand.  Some docs believe that they are God and you are a whisper in the wind.  If there are questions you want answers to, ASK THEM!  The doc may take issue with your questions and with you.  So what?  Demand the answers you need.

There's a whole lot more but I'll get to it in the next days.  If you have ADHD and are also a caregiver, bookmark this blog and ask questions.  I will post more on this subject.

Need to talk about living with ADHD?  Check this out: http://adhdcommunity.boards.net/